This week hasn't been great, I haven't felt on top of things and Darby is just exhausted. Four weeks of school done and four weeks to go.
He has been saying things this week, that have hurt me. That are not like him at all, I'm sure he doesn't mean them, but they still sting like hell. "You are a bad mummy, I want to live with Daddy"
Cue knife to the heart and kick to the guts. These are the kinds of things I have been waiting for him to say, but never really expecting them to come flying from his mouth so easily.
He says it when he is tired and grumpy (and I too am tired and grumpy!)
He spends most of his week with me, with fleeting times with his dad. I wish he saw him more, he wishes he saw him more and Dave does too.
So this weekend, he gets to spend the whole weekend with him and I am having a much needed weekend away. Just for me.
It couldn't come at a better time. A break with friends, with other mums, where I can have time to breathe, to relax, to stop and to be myself. To chat, to laugh, and to take in fine country air.
I can't wait. Hopefully I will come back refreshed and ready to cope with these next four weeks with a bit more energy, patience and a different mindset.